


I don't want you

by PerriewinkleNerdie



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 08:46:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20618240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerriewinkleNerdie/pseuds/PerriewinkleNerdie
Summary: Locked in the room, with nowhere to hide, they are forced to confront each other.





	I don't want you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello, hello!  
The idea for this fic came up during my conversation at 3 am with my friend :D  
I SINNED AGAIN, I SWEAR ON RAMSEY I DIDN’T MEAN TO! IT JUST HAPPENED! It was supposed to be a not so innocent make out session, but… I may have gotten just a little carried away with my writing. Like I always seem to do.  
Enjoy! <3

He was avoiding her. He knew he was doing it on purpose, he knew why he was doing it. He also knew that _she_ knew he was avoiding her. The whole situation was a mess, his feelings were a mess, _he_ was a mess.

Never before in his life has anyone made such an impact on him like she did. Never before was he so nervous to talk to anyone. And yet, with her, every time he had to talk to her, even though it was strictly professional, he was a wrack of a man. She made his heart beat faster, his eyes more focused, his senses tuned to her and only her. And that was dangerous. Because he promised himself that he would stay away from her, so he could help her become a better doctor. So he wouldn’t be distracted.

Turns out, his decision only made things worse for him. If he had trouble staying away from her before, now he found it nearly impossible. Every chance he got to see her, he felt his muscles pulling towards her, and if he wasn’t careful, he would break and throw himself at her, pulling her close to him, locking her between himself and his desk and having his way with her like he wanted so many times before. And like he would want so many times in the future.

That’s why he started avoiding her. _Never be in the same room as her alone. Don’t stand too close. Don’t touch her. Don’t call her. Don’t spend time with her outside of the hospital. Don’t drink with her after work. Just… don’t. _

And for the time being, it actually worked. He was in physical pain when he caught a glimpse of her eyes, rejection and hurt in them, so vivid and real. He stopped looking into those eyes, because he couldn’t stand to not see the raw emotions that once were in there, the longing, the desire, the attraction. All the emotions the he himself knew all too well, because he was feeling them in every waking moment since he met her.

Ethan knew that going to this party was a mistake. He should have stayed at home, where she was out of his reach, where he didn’t have to think about all the ways he could avoid her. Where he didn’t have to look at their colleagues, her friends, being all over her. Where he wouldn’t get hurt more than he already was.

At one point of the night he lost the sight of her. His mind went to all the possible causes of that, and some of those options made his blood boil. He shook his head to throw away those haunting images out of his head and decided to find a quiet room to gather his thoughts. He found an empty storage room in the back of the building, pressed on the knob and went inside. He let the door fall shut behind him, and then he raised his eyes to take in his surroundings.

He wasn’t the only person that was looking for a place to breathe that night.

Claire was leaning against the wall, her arms pressed flat against it. And she was looking right at him. those green, piercing eyes, seeing right through him, pulling back all the veils he hung, breaking all the walls he built between them. He was vulnerable, he felt himself slipping. He had to get out.

“Dr. Herondale. I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware someone was here, I’ll leave.” With that, he turned around, reaching for the handle to open the door and leave her behind. His hand flew through the air, not catching on anything. He turned towards the door, confused, and then his blood froze.

_There was no handle on the inside. And the door opened towards him. They were trapped._

He cursed under his breath, closing his eyes. He felt her steps, coming towards him, and then he saw her hand, delicate and small, just like he remembered it to be, touching the door delicately. Not surprising, to no avail.

“We are stuck, aren’t we?” she asked laughing humorlessly. He murmured an answer, his gaze hard on the wooden pane before him, as if he could open the door solely with his eyes and determination.

“Well then, we might as well get comfortable. We’ll be here for a while.” She spoke up again, retreating from the wall and finding a place to sit. He didn’t move, though.

He was thinking. Trying to find anything in his mind that would allow them to leave the room. Open the goddamn door and save them. For the first few minutes he was standing there, doing nothing in particular. And then he got to work.

He tried prying it open. He tried pushing, pulling, shouting for anyone to help them. Finally, out of frustration, he hit his fist against the door, but it didn’t budge. He was now looking at them with hatred, his eyes drilling holes in them.

“Are you done yet? They’re not going to open just because you look at them as though they killed someone.” She mused, not looking at him. Her gaze was trained on the piece of string she found, braiding it to pass time. His loud groan of helplessness could be heard, and finally he walked away from the door, leaning heavily onto the wall opposite of her.

He felt out of place. Once upon a time, back when it all was easier, they would talk about everything. Use the time they had to converse. Now, when they crossed the line, and they both knew they couldn’t be together, all that was left was the feeling of uncomfortable tension and pent-up longing.

“So… how are you?” he started, unsure of what he was supposed to say.

“I’m good. You?”

“Good.”

His mind was screaming. How did they get to this point? To the point in which they were unable to hold a civilized conversation without feeling out of place. Without feeling like the ceiling was falling on their heads, crushing them both.

“What have you been up to lately? It’s been a while since… since we talked.”

“And who’s fault is that?” she scoffed, shaking her head, still not looking up.

“You know why we do that.”

“Oh no. What _you_ do that. I’m not doing anything. It’s all on you, _Dr. Ramsey._”

“Claire, Ethan please.”

“_Ethan?_ So we are back on the first name basis? Wow, what a progress.” She was spilling out every last drop of her emotions. All the bitterness and feelings of abandonment and ignorance that he made her experience, it was all coming out now, like water through a broken dam. She got up, throwing the string to the side, walking up to him, standing face to face, their eyes not exactly level, but her heels made her that much higher. “The truth is, we may have been seeing the whole situation as difficult, both of us knew that it was not ideal, but we could make it work. I was ready to make it work, one way or another. But it was _you_ who decided to cut me out from your life.” she jabbed her index finger into his chest, stepping just a little closer to him, her eyes blazing with rage.

“And before you go on and tell me that ‘we speak every day’, let me tell you, work-related subjects don’t count as ‘speaking’ to a person you claim to consider as a friend at the very least. You said we would ‘make it work’. Well, excuse me, but if in your dictionary ‘making it work’ is cutting me out, then I don’t want to make it work. I can’t help but feel used, Ethan. And you made it seem so easy to just leave me behind. Without a word, you just built up the walls again, and it’s like we never even got closer. It’s like we don’t even know each other. I’m just your colleague, like many others, and I am done with feeling like this. I am exhausted.” She took a step away from him, building distance that felt like a chasm, impossible to cross. Detaching herself from him.

“Exhausted with feeling like I need to be ready in case you decide to open your mouth and actually talk to me. Tired of waiting for something that will never happen, I-“

Suddenly her breath was lost. So was the ground underneath her feet. Her body was being turned around, spinning in the air and pushed up against the wall. Ethan’s face was dangerously close, so close that she could see the soft strays of silver in his eyes, making them even brighter, shining even more in the dim light of the room. His hands were placed firmly on her hips, keeping her in place as they argued with their gazes, neither relenting.

“You think it’s easy for me? You think I don’t want to run to you every time I see you? That I don’t long to gather you in my arms and keep you there, because that is where you belong? You feel like home, right here, next to me. Do you think that my body doesn’t automatically pull me towards you, that my mind isn’t screaming for me to talk to you?” he raised his hand to brush a stray lock of hair from her face, trailing his finger down her cheek, looking at her tenderly.

That expression wasn’t there for long, though, because in the next second his arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer to him, connecting their bodies in every way possible at the moment. He looked deeply into her eyes as he spoke.

“You think that I don’t want to take you somewhere quiet and private and have my way with you on every surface available, because we crossed the line, and I’ve never felt more sure of anything in my life? I’ve never felt better with anyone else, in any sense. It hurts so much to stay away from you.”

“And yet you stay away. We are helpless.”

“No, we are not. We are just at the bad time. I want you Claire. I still want you. I am convinced I will always want you. And I know you want me too.” His voice dropped to a hushed whisper, leaning even closer, his lips hovering over hers.

She shook her head slightly, trying very hard to fight the feelings that were bottled up for the past few months, the feelings that were threatening to overflow and crash into them both.

“I don’t want you…” she tried to sound convincing, but she didn’t believe herself, and Ethan knew her better than anyone else. Her eyes were looking away from him, unable to speak when his blue orbs were piercing right through her.

“Say it again.” he whispered into her ear, his breath hot on her skin as he placed a delicate kiss on her earlobe.

“I- I don’t want… you….” she tried again, her voice cracking in the middle. She could feel her resolve breaking, dissipating like ice on a hot day.

He placed his finger underneath her chin, guiding her face to make their eyes meet. He leaned forward again, their noses touching, lips so close that with a reckless move they would press against one another.

“Say it now. Look into my eyes and tell me you don’t want me, Claire. Say it, and I’ll let you go.” his eyes were burning with desire and longing, making her knees go weak. His grip on her was still tight, their lips brushed once or twice when he spoke, skin tingling, sparks shooting through them.

“I- uh I do-“ she swallowed visibly, breathing heavily as he looked at her like all he wanted was to rip her clothes off and cross the line, again and again.

“Say it, Claire.” He repeated himself, his voice barely above a whisper.

She broke. She knew it would happen eventually, but she would never have thought it would happen in such an intense way. Her arms wrapped around his neck, hauling him onto her, his hands pressing against the wall to keep himself from crushing her.

Their lips finally met, a wave of relief washing over them. He groaned, a deep sound reverberating in from his chest as his lips devoured hers, pressing heated kisses with bruising force. There was nothing gentle about the way they moved, only hot passion and desperation to be closer, to feel more. He sank his teeth into her lower lip, pulling on it, drawing a long moan from her, their arms pushing and pulling until there was no space between their bodies. His hands hooked beneath her knees, locking her legs around his waist as he pressed her tighter against the wall so he could have free hands to explore her body.

Ethan moved his lips down the side of her face, trailing a line of hot kisses along the column of her neck, reaching her collarbone. He nipped at the delicate skin, sure to leave a mark, but if she had anything against it, she didn’t make a sound to let him know about it. Her hands made their way to his hair, scratching the skin along the way, her fingers tangling in the soft strands. He pressed himself against her and, in turn, she pulled on the brown locks, making him moan loudly against her skin.

“I- I want you. Oh god, I want you so much Ethan.” She finally admitted, and this time her voice didn’t crack, her words didn’t leave her. She was sure. She was confident. She was his, just as much as he was hers.

He laughed, a low richness of his voice filling the room as he held her to him, hugging her closely. She kissed his cheek, then nose, before leaning back to look into his eyes.

“I want to make it work. I want to make _us_ work.”

“Ethan, I sure hope your definition of ‘making it work’ has changed…” she trailed off, smirking at him.

“It did.” He reassured her, his smile growing right before her eyes.

“Such a change in such a short period of time? Unbelievable.”

“Let’s just say I have a reason to want to try. A _very convincing, beautiful, attractive, smart, charming reason._”

“Careful, someone might think you have actual human feelings!” she joked, touching her finger to his nose softly and playfully.

He kissed her again, not as heatedly as only moments ago, but the feelings stayed the same. His grip on her was the same. He still wanted her all the same. And she still wanted him. She leaned away, teasing him with a few short kisses, barely touching his lips, nipping on his skin as she kissed down his neck and back up again.

“I want to make you feel good, Clare. That, too, hasn’t changed. But I think you will agree with me when I say that this is not the best place to do this. I get to have you back, something I thought would never happen. I want to take my time, savor it for as long as I can. Take care of you like I want to, praise you and make you unable to think of anything else than me. Than us, together.” He kissed her again, shortly but intensely. “But to do that, I need to have you somewhere where we would not be interrupted. Here… there are way too many variables, I will not risk anyone walking in on us and spoiling our time together.”

“So… since we are stuck here either way…” she slid down his body, pulling on his hand to get them both to her previous sitting position, her legs thrown over his, kissing lazily, talking softly.

Finally, after forty-five minutes, the door opened, revealing a concerned Naveen. As soon as he spotted them, his face melted into a look of relief, and when he took in the position they were in and their appearance, a knowing smirk took place on his lips.

“Here you two are! I found them!” he shouted behind his back, then turned to them again. “Truth be told I was waiting for it to happen. All I can really say is… finally.” They looked at him, flabbergasted and panicked, as the realization that the chief of medicine was standing right before them. He just laughed at their expressions. “Relax. I must say, looking at you two walking around the hospital like two ghosts, avoiding one another, was painful to watch. And it didn’t improve your work either. If you two want to be together, then goddamn be together.” He winked at them both standing to the side, holding the door for them.

Ethan stood up, pulling Claire up by her hand, wrapping his arm around her securely. The three of them went back to the main hall, where the party was slowly beginning to wind down, now that everyone knew where they were for the past hour. A soft melody began playing, and Ethan’s mind lit up with an idea. Next thing Claire knew, he was pulling her to the dance floor, keeping her close to him as they began swaying softly along to the music.

“I would never take you as the type to dance, especially not in the company of our colleagues. You are so… gentle and tender and carefree.”

“You bring out that side in me. You’re like my very own stress reliever.”

“Oh, so now I’m a drug?” she joked, looking up at his playfully.

“Well, you got me addicted to you, so that would seem correct.” He mused, leaning down to meet her halfway.

They kissed softly, smiling like two fools they were. The rest of the room could be looking right at them, and neither would notice, as all they were focused on was the feeling of having one another in their arms, close and safe.

“So… about you wanting to make me feel good…” she asked him an hour later, when they both danced and drank and talked with their friends and colleagues.

“_Someone_ here is eager to get out of here.”

“It got us in the situation we are in right now, so I wouldn’t be complaining about that. And _someone_ here mentioned something about making me forget about everything, but him. And I intend to hold him to that promise.”

“I’d hate to leave you unsatisfied. Let’s go.” He pulled her to him by her hand, walking hurriedly out of the building.

“_Who’s eager now._” she laughed, waving to her friends as they passed them by.

They hauled the taxi, sitting in the back, so close that they could feel the warmth radiating from each other’s bodies. She began running her fingers up and down his leg, edging dangerously close, driving him mad. He covered her hand with his, halting her movement. He leaned in, pressing his lips to her ear as he whispered.

“If you don’t stop that, we will never make it to bed. I will have to make you scream my name against the door. Or a wall. Or on the kitchen counter. Or on the sofa. Or on the floor.”

“I pick all of those.” She shot back, biting her lip and she squeezed her thighs together, rubbing them to get some relief. He growled, straight into her ear, praying to God that the driver didn’t notice anything.

The moment they entered his apartment building and got into the elevator, they were all over each other, kissing like their lives depended on it. The fact that none of his neighbors saw them was pure luck.

Opening the door to his apartment proved to be more challenging than ever before. It might have had something to do with the fact that her hands were literally everywhere on his body, her lips pressing where she could reach, his back, his neck, his ear, his cheek.

They stumbled inside slamming the door behind them. He pushed her up against it, kissing down her body, moving her clothes out of the way. They were both way too impatient and starved to tease each other, the hunger running through their veins. She made a quick work of this pants, not bothering to take his shirt off. His hands grabbed her hips, holding her as she jumped up, wrapping her legs around him, making them grind against one another. He guided himself into her, capturing her lips in a heated kiss.

“Ethan, don’t you dare tease me now- oh…!” she bit her lip as he plunged into her, pressing her onto the door. His hips took on a relentless pace, driving himself in and out of her, holding her close to him.

Her hands were on his lower back, fingers digging into the fabric, before moving up his body, scratching the skin beneath the neckline of his shirt. He made a noise in the back of his throat, his thrusts getting rougher and sharper. She leaned forward, hiding her face in his shoulder, biting into it to muffle her whimpers. Ethan moved one hand to her hair, tangling his fingers in it before pulling, with just enough force to make her head fall back, a surprised sigh escaping her lips.

“I promised you you will be screaming my name. No more hiding. Don’t hold back, let me hear you.” he caught her gaze with his eyes, burning desire of his own reflected in hers.

She moved her hips in time with his, digging her fingers into the skin of his back, moaning louder and louder with every move he made. He pressed his lips to the side of her neck, sucking on the skin there, marking her as his, soothing the place with a sweet kiss when he was done.

With each snap of their hips they were closer, and she started whimpering, walking on the edge of release, needing just a little more. Ethan moved his hand down her body, rubbing her with purposeful strokes. She threw her head back against the door, an empty sound of protest coming from the wooden surface, but that didn’t stop them from carrying on climbing towards pleasure.

“Let go. Fall apart, I’ll catch you.” he groaned, his movements becoming less organized, messier and more chaotic, chasing his release along with her. She was breathing heavily, her eyes shut tightly, her mouth open wide.

“Ethan!” his name came out through her lips as a scream, head falling forward, their foreheads touching, eyes locked as her release triggered his own, both riding out their highs.

He fell against her, pressing her into the door. They were silent, bathing in the afterglow of their closeness. She nuzzled her nose against his hair, pressing a tender kiss to his hairline as his forehead rested on her collarbone.

“I missed this.” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her tighter.

“Only this?” she asked, laughing softly. He leaned back, a gentle smile on his face, but his eyes were serious.

“You know it’s not. I missed the way you smile when you see me. I missed the way you feel in my arms. I missed the way your eyes sparkle when you are happy. The way you feel when you fall apart around me. I missed _you_.”

“I missed you too.” She pulled him in for a kiss, sighing contently. He suddenly pulled them away from the door, falling to his knees, laying her down on the floor.

“What are you doing?” she laughed, looking around them before focusing back on him.

“You said you wanted us to use all the surfaces in my apartment. We’ll be making our way inside, one place at the time. And when I’m done with you, all you will be able to think about is me. Like I promised.”

“Well then, let’s not waste any more time…” she smirked as she rolled them over, straddling him, smirking down at him seductively.

She was going to be the death of him, and he would embrace it gratefully.


End file.
